Random Thoughts of A Reluctant Human # 3

Number of people we have killed in our thoughts since childhood, if we add them up all, we will put dictators like Hitler and Pol Pot to shame!!

Finding Peace

I have been practicing meditation for a few years. It helps me run away from the rush and chaos of my real life, and gives myself some time to recuperate. It helps me reclaim my peace and bliss when I am done with all the stress, arguments and abuse at my workplace. It works as a healing retreat and repairs my head and heart. It gives me a quiet time to just be with myself and think over my life choices.

I was recently asked which meditation do I practice and when did I start. It brought back the memories of the day when I was introduced to Vipassana about a year ago. It is a 10-day meditation course and is known to be a life changing experience for many. As per the rules of the course, anyone participating in the course has to observe silence throughout the duration of the course. They provide simple vegetarian meals. No outside communication is allowed including cell phones and visitors. You can check out the details and the time table here.

It was certainly not a walk in the park but silence was the most enticing feature because it allowed me some time to be with myself. So I took it up.

On the day of arrival, I completed the formalities and went to deposit my cell phone. However, since the concerned person was not available, I decided to come back later and headed straight to my allotted apartment. Once settled, I deferred my visit to the locker room permanently and switched my phone off. The purpose was anyway to keep away from the external world so it didn’t matter I kept the phone in the locker or in my bag so I decided on the latter.

Before calling it a day, we were taken for an half an hour orientation session followed by a light evening meal. We were then asked to retire to our respective rooms.

The next day began quite early. I was still half asleep and so were many of my inmates. I was still better than the others for I managed to take a shower before getting into the meditation. The technique was pretty simple – one had to observe his/her breathing pattern. The first session lasted for two hours – a little heavy for the beginners and that too at 4am.

The next session was at 8am and this one was heavier than the earlier one for its duration was three hours at a stretch. As the day proceeded, I figured that every session was more intense with its duration elongated. By the end of the day, I was actually exhausted observing the inhaling-exhaling process. It wasn’t what I thought it to be. Anyhow, I decided to play along for two reasons. One, quitting wasn't easy and it might create chaos. Two, I didn't want to face my father's fury who was already utterly unhappy at my taking up such a course away from home.

By the end of the third day, I started experiencing severe pain in my back owing to continually sitting on the floor for interminable hours. I requested the management to provide me a chair to keep the situation from worsening. But I was told that it happened in the beginning to many but it usually got better. I was afraid that it was not the case with me.

I waited for another day but I found it extremely difficult to concentrate due to the excruciating pain. I also had difficulty lying in the not-so-soft bed. As they say, “Sleep has to come—one can only go to bed,” I tried inviting the sleep but couldn’t go to sleep. That day, dawned upon me that sleep has to happen and one doesn’t know when it is happening but only realizes in retrospect. In my case, there was no retrospect. Sleep was escaping me yet again. I took up that course to find peace midst the chaos and yet it was the only thing I was missing. I lay awake in my bed until 2am and then got up, reached out to my bag, took out my phone and switched it on. I couldn’t utter a word due to the pin drop silence so I text-ed my brother and asked him to come collect me before I was torn into shreds.

My message made the situation worse. My brother got scared for he thought that I was not safe. I spent next one hour explaining to him that the facility was safe enough in all aspects, only I was not keeping well and they wouldn’t let me out. I also requested him to wait until morning and come up with an excuse to take me home for he couldn’t express that he connected with me in any manner whatsoever.

My brother reached there at 8am and explained to them an emergency at home which warranted my presence. But to his dismay, the manager declined to relay any messages to me for it might cause me disturbance and I might not be able to concentrate then. He smirked at the shallowness of his response and thought that I was anyway not able to concentrate so he better let me go.

Then the manager asked him to testify his identity. Once he did that, the manager demanded to speak with my father to confirm the contingency. When he did that too, the manager again declined to let him connect with me. My brother waited in the sun until 11am before his patience broke. He threatened the manager to call the police if he took another minute to relay the message to me. The manager cowered and requested my brother to mellow down. He then sent somebody to my room and permitted me to leave with my brother.

The moment I stepped out of the campus, I played out music so loud that windows vibrated. I asked my brother to get me a chilled beverage coupled with some spicy snacks. I came back to life realizing that half an hour of meditation was enough to retain my sanity and I didn't need more than that.

Random Thoughts of A Reluctant Human # 2

In the life's journey, nothing gives you more comfort that the illusion that you have created for yourself!!

The World Makes Sense Again!!

Owing to his lewd demeanor, he is the most disgusting man any sane human could ever come across. He looks at every woman lustfully paying absolutely no regard whatsoever to her personality or her sentience. His brain ceases to function and leaves him catatonic only because a woman is in the same room. As such he invariably tries to peek up girls' skirts and goes out of his way to gain a minuscule chance of finally doing the deed.

I am sure that every woman in the corporate world deals with unwelcome and inappropriate advances from a peer, a manager, a senior executive or a client. But no woman talks about these experiences openly for countless reasons.  I also had my share of experiences but this man beats them all; for the simple reason that he didn’t mend his ways even when I told him that I wasn’t single. Despite my numerous warnings, he continued pestering me until that day.

Having recovered from the injury, I eventually resumed work after five weeks. Considering the long walk from the parking lot to the main building, one of my friends volunteered to carry my laptop to my desk. It was my first day after the break and it felt so different to walk into the office after such a long time. On the way, I met many of my colleagues, friends and acquaintances and they all showered me with the same compliment. I was looking more beautiful / my face was glowing that is. Honestly it all felt good until… I encountered him.

When I reached my desk, he wasn’t around. I thanked God and sat comfortably at my designated place. My friend also left me. I was setting up my laptop when he walked in. He called out my name aloud from the distance, displayed the widest and evilest grin one could ever imagine, and walked towards me with his arms spread wide open. I stoically looked at him. I also decided to escalate the matter if he talked beyond the realms of professionalism.

  

He offered me his cup of coffee, which I politely declined, before settling into a chair next to me. He looked at me up and down, thought for a moment with his index finger on his chin and said, "You have put on a pound or two but you look beautiful nonetheless.”

Before I could say anything, he added, “Now don’t strive for size zero, I like you the way you are.”

I was stumped at his dauntlessness. I yelled, “Back off you jerk.”

He responded, “Seems I will have to bring a black Safari (the SUV).”

I went furious. It was actually one of those moments when I pitied his wife and cursed his very existence. I rose from my chair and told him that his attitude had been off limits and it called for a formal complaint. With that, I typed a detailed email to the Head of Human Resource. I didn’t even complete the letter when he began apologizing. His apology appeared only surface deep so I continued with the task at hand but before I could hit the ‘send’ button; he almost knelt down begging for forgiveness. I felt a strong urge to slap him in his face or better yet - smash his teeth but I didn’t have half as much energy so I restrained myself. I asked him to send me a written apology instead for his lewd behavior. He showed reluctance initially but caved in eventually.

I moved next to my AVP and never encountered another comment ever since.

Random Thoughts of A Reluctant Human # 1

Tired of long and lonely walk... but the road still looks famished. It has gorged upon numerous souls but hunger not satiated yet!!

Detour from Life

The captain had turned off the warning sign for the seat belt. The air hostess' mellifluous voice was echoing in the plane as if she was a pianist playing a violin for herself in a gigantic mall. I was travelling, once again, from one town to another, on the auspicious night of Diwali. I had to attend a conference call with one of our US clients and a very important meeting the next morning. I could not summon the courage to inform my parents that at the night of Diwali, their son would be just two hours away taking a call with strangers from a room in a five-star hotel.

I looked down and the brightly lit buildings reminded me of my house back in my hometown. It must be beautifully ornamented with twinkling lights and floating candles, I thought.

"Would you like vegetarian or non-vegetarian?" The air hostess' voice brought me back to the plane.

She questioned again, "Sir would you like vegetarian or non-vegetarian?"

I couldn't respond. I wished if I could place my order at an altitude of 35000 ft. I wanted to eat poori, rajma, curd and some pickle made by my mom.

I asked her, "You didn’t go home on Diwali?"

"Not everybody is as lucky as you are. At least, you will reach your home on Diwali." She replied.

She went away, leaving me thinking what a home felt like. I had stayed in so many hotels in past few years that when I went back to my hotel room, it almost made me feel like home. There wasn't much difference after all. The paintings on the wall kept changing but the bed side lamps were equally beautiful. The same 42" LCD TV and a king sized bed. The breakfast table situated next to the window would ask me every morning what would I have for breakfast. Wasn’t everything the same?

At the time of disembarkation, the air hostess said, "Sir, wish your family a very Happy Diwali!" I switched the phone on and found nine missed calls, six from office and three from home. I called the office first and told them to arrange the call in an hour and a half. Meanwhile, papa called again. "Where are you son? We have been waiting since long."

"I have an important meeting, papa. I am afraid I will not be able to make it this time." Papa went silent. I could hear my family's laughter and the sound of fireworks in the background.

Miles away from the liveliness of my home, my taxi was trudging quietly on a lonesome road.  I never realised when I alienated myself from the world. I had been an island for so long that intimacy scared me away. It never dawned upon me that I traversed the globe with a mask on. I was apprehensive of taking the mask off, perhaps was scared of facing myself.

The taxi drew up at the front gates of a grand hotel. A huge swarthy guard with imperial moustache opened the taxi door for me and said, "Welcome back sir. Happy Diwali!" I fumbled around in the back of the car seat. The driver asked, "Sir, are you looking for something?" I said, "Yes, Myself."

The town looked exquisite from my room. I opened my laptop and waited for the phone call. Meanwhile, in an effort to pull up a presentation from 'My Documents', I clicked on 'My Pictures' instead. There was a five-year old 'me' walking down the road holding papa's index finger, my right hand pointed to an ice-cream vendor; everybody eating pop corns by the lake at Nainital; papa driving our first ambassador car; me dressed in a superman's costume for a fancy dress competition, maa-papa standing together with Taj Mahal in the backdrop; maa draped in a beautiful red sari on Karwa-Chauth; papa hugging me on my graduation day.

My phone rang but I could not separate myself from those pictures. I wanted to eat pop corns by the Naini Lake once again. I pined for a break from myself. My phone was ringing feverishly. I was in the car again; I had to rush for an urgent meeting. The vivid recollection of my childhood, my college days, and our family vacations made me restless.

Everybody was having snacks after Diwali Pooja when the door bell rang. Papa opened the door. He didn’t register for a second and then exclaimed, "Oh my God! What a pleasant surprise!" It was me. I had reached home on Diwali... to attend an urgent meeting. I also had to relay the air hostess' message, remember!!

Wish you all a very Happy Diwali!!

My Favourite Pastime

Library is my favourite place. Whenever Dudette is not around to read a story to me, I come here and spend a great deal of time contemplating which book to read...

Then I think a little harder...

Then I take a nap leaving the reading to some other day...