Phoneys!

He was known as 'The Head Turner' for his exceptionally tall frame which was further complemented by his peachy complexion and sharp features. Owing to his job profile, his used to step in one hour prior to the culmination of my shift. Whenever he used to come to me to exchange greetings, I generally used to nod my head without as much as looking at him. It continued for a few days before he protested my indifference. Perhaps I hit his male ego somewhere.

He stood next to me until I looked up at him and asked, "Busy always, huh?"

"Hey! Take no offense. I am usually busy with day end reports which eat up a lot of my time. Is there anything I could help you with?" I defended myself.

"I was wondering if we could have a cup of coffee."

"Good idea, except that I would not have that kind of time on me. But thanks for asking." I politely dismissed.

He hovered around for a couple of days expecting more attention from me but only savoured disappointment. Once, when I was heading towards the exit, he caught me unawares.

"I know you'd never have enough time so I thought why not escort you to the cab and have coffee with you on the way." he said modestly extending a cup of coffee to me.

“You don’t give up, do you?” I replied with a straight-face.

I left that organization after a few days and conveniently forgot about him.

A few months later, I received an anonymous call. It was him. A little chat revealed that he had also quit shortly after and had moved into aviation. Owing to his looks, he was still being pestered by the female crew members, he shared. I found his conversation amusing because for the first time I came across a man who was harassed by women and who was complaining about it. Then he inquired about my relationship status and my marriage plans. I didn’t want to indulge in all that so I terminated the call.

A few days ago, he showed up at my work and called me from the coffee shop at the ground floor. Some people just never grow up, I murmured. I tried to avoid meeting him but he was adamant. Anyhow, I took the elevator to the ground floor.

He was waiting for me with a bouquet in hands. I made a secret reconnaissance of him. He still looked the same, rather better. Kashmiri-Mohammedans never age, perhaps.

“What brought you’re here?” I asked plainly.

“Hey! Don’t be so mean! I searched for you everywhere and finally got your number from xyz. I was so excited to see you...” He explained.

“I'm glad to see you too but don’t you think a place other than my work would have been better?” I was agitated.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t want to upset you.” He said apologetically, which didn’t show on his face, apparently.

“Hmmm! How have you been? All well back at home?” I inquired.

“Yeah! All well… I got these flowers for you.” He said extending the bouquet to me.

“Oops! I am sorry but… I can’t take them.”

“Why not?”
“You're forgetting... I am at work.” I paused for a moment and then continued, “Why are you chasing me? Its been so many years. Sometimes its good to grow up.”
“I thought it was evident. I like you so much and I want to marry you.”

“Excuse me! That came on rather fast. You trying to sow your wild oats here?” I was flabbergasted.

“Huh?” He said narrowing his brows.

“Never mind.” I shrugged.

“Tell me - will you marry me?”
“Its not possible.”
“Why not? Why are you so indifferent to me?” He was getting impatient.

“I don’t think I owe you any explanation. But don’t you know the answer yourself.”

“No, I don’t. I ask you again, will you marry me?”And he started to kneel down.

His reckless actions had always frightened me. And this was the weirdest thing ever happened to me. People around were starting to notice us.

“Enough! Behave yourself!” I almost screamed. “Listen! I don’t care how many girls you have knelt down before but I am not the kind of woman you could impress by your looks and by such flirtatious actions. I don’t mean to hurt you but I don’t see myself with you.” I spat it out.

“What does that mean? Give me a chance at least.”

“Even if I do, my parents wont. Inter-religion marriage is not something they will ever approve of.”

“I am not asking you to change your religion.”

“Doesn't matter. It happens anyway.”

“Just let me know one month in advance if you ever change your mind.”

“See...that’s precisely why I stayed away from you.” I left leaving the bouquet on the table.

Love is magical indeed!

"Love who you love while you have them. That's all you can do. Let them go when you must. If you know how to love, you'll never run out." Its one of the most beautiful thoughts I came across a while ago, and it has stayed with me since. Love is too magical to cause pain or make you regret. In fact, it's our sense of ownership that leads to suffering. I think love is somewhat like a vacation, relish while it lasts, cherish once its over. 

“Love does not cause suffering: what causes it is the sense of ownership, which is love's opposite.” Indeed!  

In so many years, I have come to learn that the most difficult times are not the ones in which nobody loved me. But the times my heart was so closed that I didn't love anybody. Or anything, for that matter. Life was grey and without colour. Not only did I feel as if I was nobody's special someone, it worked the other way around. Nothing was special to me too. Not only did that apply to people, I was hard to satisfy in those days. Nothing really touched my heart, so in return I started to be more and more demanding. I thought that my heart would open if the other person did the right thing, said the right thing etc. I forgot that the right thing didn't stand a change, against my closed heart. Because as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is love. It takes one to know one. When you love, it appears as if all of a sudden you see love everywhere. Love is as much a state of being as a real feeling for another human being. Love colours your world.

Love does funny things to people. Just call the name of their sweetheart and the light literally starts to shine out of their eyes. Is there a more endearing sight?

The courtly love from the old days is a far cry from the dating game nowadays. Nowadays it is almost embarrassing to tell someone you love them. Being true to your heart is not the fashionable thing to do. Better keep your feelings a secret. Better to be indifferent and 'easy going' at the same time. And than trying to detect the true meaning of the 'friend/unfriend' action. Or the 'not calling back' after you have been sleeping together.

In contrast to what we are lead to believe, speaking from the heart, doesn't make you weak. Simply speaking your truth will empower you. It also invites the other person to be true and real. There is nothing shameful in loving someone. It is a gift and it is rare and lovely. And you should be proud of being a person with a heart, with love.

Like a knight in shining armour, wear your love like a price. Be proud of who you love and be proud that you love.

Let your love shine. Wish you all a happy valentines day and a year full of love and laughter!

The Dexter Effect

It's 2 o' clock at night. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is just not right. The eerie silence of the night seems to confirm my fears. I am shaken from my stupor by an incessant feeble sound. This is a metal clinging sound which is emanating from my balcony. It feels as if somebody were inconspicuously trying to unlock the door from the outside. I contemplate stepping out of my quilt and switching on the lights but change my mind. What if he gets alert by the light and runs away. Then I think of picking up a torch, going to my balcony and catching him unawares but I change my mind again. What if he gets furious and slits my throat open by his knife.

I decide to stay back in my bed and think of an alternate to catch the thief or whosoever has dared interrupt my beauty sleep. I fumble for my phone under the pillow then on the mattress around me but find it lying on the bedside table. Dazed, I climb out of my bed, turn my phone on and with the help of the display light, I tiptoe to the window that opens out to the balcony. I lean against the closed window so as to hear the noises more clearly. I hear the same feeble clinging sound of metal as though the thief was trying to unscrew a bolt on the other side of the door. I slide a few steps on my left towards the door and peek through the key hole so as to get an idea of his appearance. I am expecting to see a fat, shabbily dressed man with big dark fear inflicting eyes, bearing a stubble and wild unkempt hair. Clearly, I have never seen a real thief in my life and I am a little excited at the prospects of catching one. But when I peek through the keyhole, I see an empty balcony, bereft of any living being. My mind is in turmoil as I can still hear the same consistent sound coming from the other side of the door.

I brush away my fears and muster the courage to unveil the mystery myself. I gasp a deep breath, calm my quivering nerves and go to my brother's room to arm myself with a cricket bat. I open the door quietly holding the bat in the other arm in an attacking position. And behold, I am presented yet again with an empty balcony filled with the ever persisting metal clinging sound. I look towards my left and then towards my right, but no sign of a living being in sight. Then I look upwards at the ceiling. There is a pair of pigeons pacing up and down at the roof of the air conditioner. I go a little closer and realise that the sound is coming from the claws hitting the metal of the roof of the AC. I laugh out loud.

After savouring the silence of the dark, I return to my room. I gulp down a glass of water and sit in a chair mumbling incoherently to myself, "You watch too many horror movies these days. And stop watching Dexter. It leaves you with disturbing visions and violent thoughts."

In Search of Peace

I have been trying my hands at poetry for some time, but this is the first time when I could come up with something worth sharing. Presenting my first poem ever, hope you like it.

Wonderwall and Shalinee - Thanks for being an inspiration.
Shailika and Jyoti - Thanks for keeping me motivated.


"In Search of Peace"
 
I have come too far
In search of you
Where nothing else
But my footprints pursue

Everything looks bleak,
Appears hazy from here
Not a tree, not a bird,
Only an empty sphere

There is a shadow at the distance

That beckons of your presence

The warmth of your hands
And the joy of your love
It makes me feel complete
Such is your fragrance

Lend me your shoulder
And let me fall asleep
So that I wake up in your love
And find myself at peace.